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The Home Alone house is up for sale for 2.4 mil. I’d pay 2.5 (if I had it) just so I could say, “Keep the change you filthy animal.”
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come to work
The real reason I`m not a superhero.... Pockets, I need my pockets.
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" -- Girlfriends in the 17th century probably
We`re all mature until someone pulls out bubble wrap.
My favourite part about amazingly hot, energetic, passionate sex. Is being able to rewind the tape & watch it again.
It`s hard to feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve.
When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
I think I`ve finally found someone I could spend the rest of my life with, I should probably get out of her closet and introduce myself.
Some days I feel about as useful as the pants in Donald Duck`s closet.
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
I only support ghost hunting if you need the ghost for food.
When I see someone yawn, I yawn. I wish it was the same with exercising....
If your parachute doesn`t deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
I need to tell you something. I know it is going to break your heart and maybe you will not talk to me after the bad news. But I want you to hear it from me first instead of hearing it from someone else. This is going to make you cry I know. I first thought I must just keep quiet about it but I know it will not be fair on you. I am so ashamed to have to do this but you need to know the truth. Don`t be mad at me please. I will understand if you never want to hear from me ever again but it m