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Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
Transformation Tuesday! Throwback Thursday! Flashback Friday! Never underestimate a woman`s ability to find a reason to post a selfie.
They say you have real problems if you hear disembodied voices; fortunately all my imaginary friends have bodies.
Those friends who like and at the same time unlike my statuses please you`re increasing my blood pressure!
I just lifted a couch to retrieve a Skittle that fell underneath it, so I get you Moms that lift cars to rescue children, I get you.
Yes, milk from cows tastes nice. But to the person that first found that out...you have issues bro
I bet if the movie "mirrors" releases part 3, the 1st victim will die while trying to take a selfie
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside.
Can we all just agree to start spelling it "Wensday"?
Being with you is like listening to golf on the radio.
POLITICS; from `poly` meaning `many and `Tics` meaning blood-sucking creatures. Just sayin`
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
I need to find a job where I am paid solely on how awesome I am.
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?
I farted in the apple store and everyone got pissed, not my fault they dont have windows ...