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You know vacation should be over when all you do is sit around naked, drinking fruity malt liquor beverages
Never judge a man ’till you’ve driven a mile with his wife.
Collecting my thoughts… I almost have a whole set! ;)
I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
If you were born in September, it`s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a BANG
* feels winds of change * realizes it`s just a hole in my shorts
This Pokemon Go crap is getting ridiculous. I just saw a fight breakout between the pokebloods and the pokecrips.
If it wasn’t for profanity, I wouldn’t be a pro at anything.
I`ll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way.
You had me at "do we need to stop at the liquor store on the way to your place"
My wife told me I suffer from a lack of imagination. I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination." That showed her.
When I die, before my will is read, I want my entire Google search history revealed and whoever is left in the room gets it all.
What’s the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn`t seem so bad now.