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Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
If everything tastes like us, why do we have to die? –Chickens
I didn`t get your text (phrase) - I got your text, I was just too lazy to respond.
I`m "keeps a pair of underwear in the glove box because I don`t trust my farts anymore" years old.
I don`t like thinking before I say something. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth
You would never know I had a college degree if you saw how many times I tried to push when it says pull.
whoever snuck the `s` in fast food is a clever person
So I ran into an old girlfriend who I dated who`s new boyfriend she was with looked exactly like me when I was seeing her. You know, miserable
I`m kinda like an onion, not in some deep I have layers way, but if you see me naked, you`ll cry.
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot..
Big shout-out to slugs for doing everything a snail does but without a helmet.
I hear you`ve been very naughty ... Go to my room!
Meaningless statistics are up 17% today
Just discovered an app that tells you which one of your friends is stupid. It`s called Facebook.