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Women are always complaining that men are messy by leaving clothes layin around…..That’s because women take up all the closets
The difference between “like” “love” and “in love” is the same as the difference between “for now” “for a while” and “forever”
My mom at night: Good night, sweet dreams I love you. My mom in the morning: Wake the f*ck up you lazy piece of sh!t.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you are stupid and make bad decisions.
I want a doorbell that makes the sound of someone knocking on the door.
I either get what I want or I change my mind!
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they looked.
How many V and M can see
NNNNNMNNNNNNNVVWWWWVWWWWW
After all these years, I`m beginning to suspect that Waldo doesn`t want to be found.
Elderly people used to always nudge me at weddings and say "You`re next."What got them to stop is when............I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
Two things that most people want. 1. Lose weight 2. Eat
I doubt my inferiority complex is as good as everyone else`s
every woman iz beautuful n her unique way, smtimz it needs sm amount of alcohol to see with
Some people should come with subtitles.