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If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
This woman is so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she’s not wearing a ring. Thanks hun, but wrong finger!
If your dog weighs less than 10lbs, it`s technically a cat
Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
I am looking at this online special deal at Disneyworld and thinking no, my kids can annoy me just fine right here at home.
To the squirrel carrying the mushroom up a tree to his nest: you may want to eat that with your feet firmly on the ground, buddy.
When a woman says, "I`m NOT crazy" *clapping her palms together per syllable* That`s universal for, "You`re going to die."
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.
Last time I saw jugs that big, 2 hillbillies were blowing on them.
The moment when someone says a word and everyone laughs, including you and then someone goes, "Do you know what that means?" and you go "No, not really."
I need a six month vacation Twice a year.
I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.
I believe in living every day like it`s my last day, and on my last day, I plan to take it easy.
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.