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Sometimes all you need is $100,000
Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
I`ve actually have come to the conclusion that some of today`s youth may actually believe "laughing out loud" is actually spelled "lol"
I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy sh!t.
Modern video games are giving kids unrealistic standards of how many swords they can carry at one time.
I`ve fallen down the stairs before. I don`t see what joy the Slinky gets out of it. That sh!t hurts.
Can’t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
Just...sitting...thinking...planning my next move to get that new roll of toilet paper about 5 feet away from me.
The last 10 seconds of every voicemail my grandmother leaves me is her trying to hang up the phone.
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn`t have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.
I`m going to be the first person to land on the sun! I know what your thinking and thats why I will be going at night.
Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!
Everybody reaches a point in their lives when they die.
If your day was that bad, why do you assume we want to know about it?
I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.