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I don`t always play candy crush. But when I do, I have tourettes like a motherf*cker.
Diet goal: I want to lose just enough so that my hand will fit comfortably in a Pringles can...
If we learned anything from the Mayans, it’s that if you don’t finish something, it’s not the end of the world
No matter what the product, a good way to throw off an aggressive salesman is to interrupt him and ask, “Yes, but does it work on cats?”
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he`s attempting to get his hoodie back. He`s in for one hell of a life lesson.
If only I did everything with the same precision in which I craft my sandwiches.
There`s something I need to get off my chest: Darned Cheetos crumbs.
I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos.
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
Learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house.
Stop procrastinating. Join Hokey Pokey Anonymous today and turn that life around!
I can`t wait til the Presidential race ends so we can stop hating people for their politics and go back to hating people because they`re jerks