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Are you reading this from a toilet? I’m writing this from one.
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
I’m not saying don’t trust the internet but there’s an alarming discrepancy between the number of ipads I’ve won & the number of ipads I own.
I was going to do some spring cleaning, but the snow has ruined it for me.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, I tell people about my accomplishments and they say "big Deal
Okay, If we get caught here’s the story…
It`s so expensive being a woman. I know because I have financed a few.
My kids constantly yell at me whenever I try take their pictures, and I tell `em: "You`re gonna need them in 20 years for your Throw Back Thursdays updates"..... whatever!!
I should go to sleep but the Internet needs me.
Hey babe, go to Google Earth, zoom in on your house. See that blue cap in the bushes? Hi!
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
Opposites attract, that`s the trouble with being awesome
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.
I just found a $100 bill laying on the floor in the checkout lane. I don`t even have to try to find out who lost it, because it`s the same color, and has the same picture on it as the one I lost 2 years ago!! WooHoo, talk about fate huh??!!
Please be patient...I`m fcuking things up as fast as I can.