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Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT.
Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
"Sleeping on the couch" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.
If you get angry, just take deep breaths and count to ten. Unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
I need my coffee before I start pretending to work.
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
My neighbors complained that I never mow my lawn. So I started mowing. The cops showed up at 3 a.m.. These neighbors are never happy...
I dont mind going to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is bullsh*t
Nothing is truly lost until your mom can`t find it.
Neil Armstrong was the first human being to step foot on the moon. Neil A. backwards spells "Alien"
If zombies attack the world, everyone will run and hide. Except for us gamers, of course. We`ve been waiting for this all our lives!
Why do we call it the Sun instead of a space heater?