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It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since I got up… goodnight!
After 20 yrs of marriage, my best move is to clean something unexpectedly.
I`m not insulting you, I`m describing you.
If I was a funeral director, I would tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.Then the zombie apocalypse would be hilarious.
Today is the 1st anniversary of the end of the world. Can you believe it`s been a year since the world ended? Time sure flies when it`s the apocalypse.
I think it`s really strange how some people talk to their animals, give them personalities and make up voices for them. My dog, Benjamin, agrees with me.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
Ya .... That Supermoon was OK ..... But I was quite disappointed when I realized it didn`t even have a cape.
The only thing I`ve learned from scary movies is to avoid pale children
just bought 400 copies of Hoarders: Season 1. Not sure what to do with them.
Golf is such a strange game. You shout four, shoot six, and write down five.
gone fishing ¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?