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Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
K-Y should be called K-WHEN, because we already know why.
The problem with some people is that they`re breathing.
If people say you`re acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you`re totally nailin` it.
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
I`m growing a mullet to test our friendship.
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ``Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?``
Unless you tripped and smacked your face on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.
The wife almost caught me browsing on Facebook, but I quickly clicked over to a porn site. That was close.
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!
If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.
My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn`t have sex.
Wondering if my heart is healthy enough for sex ... volunteers needed.