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It`s ok if you don`t like my personality,,, I`ve got others.
I always stop to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porno starts off!
Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone.
I only accept apologies in cash.
Give a kid a Pop Tart and they eat for a day. Teach a kid how to make a Pop Tart and you sleep in all summer
The problem with the world today is that intelligent people are too smart to have children.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
You tell me I`m crazy, the voices tell me I`m not. 4 against 1, so........
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
Statistically, I`ve come to the conclusion that I`m going to hell in multiple religions.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If your parents told you you`re beautiful, they`re lyin to you..:D
Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka qualifies right?
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
Man:Hello doc, my wife is having a baby. Doctor:Is this the first child? Man:No, it`s the husband speaking.