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Just seen a sign reading "PAY ATTENTION WHILE WALKING your Facebook status update can wait". While on Facebook on my phone. While walking...
Relax,,, We`re all crazy.. It`s not a competition.
I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.
Ever update an app and realize the "fixed issues" were all a lie and it will never be the same? That`s what going back to an ex is like.
Could you imagine if guys commented on their guy friends` profiles the way girls do? "Bro, you look so handsome" "Looking hot, man!" "OMG, your jawline is cray" "Ugh, how are you this perfect dude? I`m jelly" "sexy much?!"
I have never preheated an oven but I have pre-eaten a frozen pizza.
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
Just saw a car at McDonalds take 4 tries to get lined up in a parking space. I`m not judgmental, so I won`t assume what sex she was.
Would you like to save money on your car insurance? Walk ... Just sayin
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you, would actually kill me
Bran flakes. Helping pants fit better for over 100 years.
At night I dump massive amounts of Legos on the floor in case anyone tries to rob my house bare footed.
I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.