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What does Miley Cyrus have for dinner on Christmas? Twerky :`)
I`m in hospital after eating what i thought was onions instead they were daffodil bulbs. Its ok doctors say i will be out in spring.
Where 5 minutes becomes 5 hours. Facebook.
Trust me ...... I can`t believe I`m still here either.
I have no time for stupid people But they sure seem to have time for me.
No matter what life brings you, always take a lesson from your dog.. Kick some grass over that s**t and move on.
I hope when the machines take over the world they start by fixing my cable.
Clapping: Repeatedly high-fiving yourself for someone else`s accomplishments.
May have put up a few too many Christmas lights. A 747 just landed in the backyard.
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions.
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
I try to always be the bigger person by hanging out with a lot of short people.
As you get closer and closer to the end of this status, I think it`s important that you lower your expectations.
I hate when people passive-aggressively post vague, indirect statuses. You know who you are...
Ever noticed that `beer can` in a british accent sounds exactly like `bacon` in a jamaican accent?