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is pretty sure there´s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking...And I plan on finding out what that is.
So how long before GoFundMe is our nation`s leading health care provider?
It`s so hard to find obedient minions
Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, "How could you do this to me" and then runs off crying?
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you have incriminating evidence.
These old people at the bus stop really suck at paintball.
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
In a parallel universe calories are trying to burn people.
When I think of all the money I’ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
There are 364 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.
My relationship is mostly me apologizing for saying something super bada$$ and hilarious
Every time I visit my parents, I send the kids in first so they can signal me if it`s an intervention.
A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."
Who’s that sexy beast…………..oh I clicked on my own profile again. ;)
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. – The Opportunist