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Edward Cullen is extremely pale due to the lack of light in the closet.
Had a big mix up at the store today... Apparently, when the woman said strip down facing me,she was referring to my credit card.
People that say “money doesn’t buy happiness” obviously have never been divorced.
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
If thought bubbles appeared over our heads, I would get punched in the face a lot more.
Drink till she´s cute, but stop before the wedding
I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.
The Teen Choice Awards air last tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren`t allowed to vote.
What doesn`t kill you, makes you stronger... except for lions, lions will definitely kill you.
Please ignore this status, I am standing alone and I don`t want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am texting
Dyslexics are teople poo.. :|
If it lasts 4 hours I`m not only callin a Dr, I`m callin everybody!!
Just saw a homeless dude with a sign reading "Hungry Hungry Hobo"... I shouldn`t laugh right?
I mixed Taco Bell sauce into my Ramen Noodles, It tastes exactly like poverty.
A 5 year old asked me what marriage is like. So I gave him a chocolate bar and told him not to eat it.