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Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn`t have known it`s summer.
Why is that in girls tampon commercials they dance and laugh? Shouldn`t they be revving chainsaws and burning sh!t down?
I`d walk barefoot across an ocean of Legos for you.
I have an irrational fear of speedbumps… but, I’m slowly getting over it.
Auctioneers are proof white guys could rap if they tried hard enough.
Starbucks announced guns are no longer allowed in their stores. Seems crazy banks didn`t think of this.
Royal baby was born at 8 pounds. Thats like 12 dollars.
No great story started with someone drinking water.
I liked you better before we met.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren`t happy.
When I see a shoe on the side of the road I wonder if Cinderella is in a nearby house.
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.
People say that I have no idea what hard work is. That`s not true! I know exactly what it is... How do you think I avoid it so easily?
Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?" but they don`t stop long enough for you to reply!
I`m getting really irritated. This is the tenth ATM I`ve been to in the last week that`s had "insufficient funds".