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I saw the most beautiful painting at the store the other day … but then I realized it was a mirror.
Last New Year my resolution was 1920x1080 , this year it`s to be less of a nerd.
If you guys could read my mind! It would be all like; " "
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche.
If A-B-C-D didn’t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to be so rushed.
When I was on the plane the stewardess asked, do you need some headphones? I said, Hell Yeah, but how did you know my name was Phones?
Thinking about staying in tonight? Nobody looks back in life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
HR and I apparently disagree on what "debriefed" means.
Reason number 347 why I hate Facebook: A guy from high school posted 11 new photos all with the caption "me"
50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.
What ? Who ? Exactly my point. Now move along and go read something else. Nosey !!
You know you’re a mom, when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
When ever I think about the past...It brings back so many memories
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!