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They’re called scents, not flavors, I should not able to taste your perfume or cologne.
Guys: Bet a female friend that she can’t touch her bellybutton with both elbows. Enjoy the view.
If you ever find lotion on a guy`s night stand, it`s not because he wants to moisturize his skin.
I`m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.
Of course I plan to seize the day ... Eventually.
I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.
Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
Monopoly: Destroying friendships since 1904
Patience is what I have when there are too many witnesses.
We get it poets: things are like other things
Hell, I finally figured out what was wrong with me ... I have been reading the wrong horoscope!!
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
For the life of me, I can’t understand why small and medium pizzas exist.
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...