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I read "Do not believe everything you read." Now I`m not sure whether to believe this or not.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
When people with multiple personality disorders are about to die, whose life flashes before their eyes?
Rawwrrr means I love you in dinosaur. Everyone knows that, silly
He died doing what he loved: telling me I`m overreacting.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What`s on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started...
whenever I take my clothes off the shower usually gets turned on
Today`s interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"
My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license.
I love Costco. You don`t go there thinking you`re gonna buy a 12-pack of watermelons but you`ll probably leave with one.
Whether a Vacuum is on or off, it`s always collecting dust.
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.
Skinny people are bitches. Probably because they`re hungry.
Yo fellas, how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?