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I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet ... I get hungry.
I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
Fun Fact: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)
My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update bar as the search bar on my browser.
Prostitution must be a hole sale business.
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
Women say they love a man in uniform but when i go clubbing in my McDonalds uniform none of them will talk to me....I`m confused
People should seriously stop expecting normal from me...We all know it`s never gonna happen
Sometimes I get so mad at myself for being too lazy that I don`t even do anything about it.
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
It`s Sunday or as I like to call it, "No pants day".
Somewhere in a parallel universe, I hope there’s a giant dog with a tiny woman in its purse.
Irresponsible is when your neighbor doesn`t pay their wifi bill.
I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
Cops never say “thanks for committing crimes and keeping us employed”. It’s just plain selfish.