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in 2014 there were times when I annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you and bugged the hell out of you. Today i wanna let you know that i planned to continue with it this year :-)
I once got a ride home from the pizza guy by ordering 1 pizza to be delivered to the bar and 1 to my house. Pretty sure i deserve an award.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I did last year.
I think I`m approaching my "best if used by" date
It`s amazing how many pedestrians confuse right-of-way with immortality.
Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.
Half of life is screwing up…the other half is dealing with it.
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
Tupperware is so handy for those times when you feel like throwing out your food another day.
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
scratch here ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ to reveal my status
The trick is not let anyone know how really weird you are until it’s too late to back out.
Adding "and sh!t" at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.
It`s acceptable for someone to eat cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner as long as they still go to the gym, right? I`m asking for a friend...
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.