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They should start selling Photoshop CD`s at cosmetic shops.
After dinner I like to sit in the garden in my underwear and smoke a cigarette.....but apparently that`s not done at this hotel....
I think the spork would have caught on better if they called it "a forkin` spoon!"
Swag is for boys. Class is for men.
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, `You`re only interested in one thing,` and you can`t remember what it is.
Q: What do you call apple-flavoured marijuana? A: iPot
Billion Dollar Idea: An app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
A cheap way to get Botox face is by walking your dog in zero degree temperature.
So, is Dora 18 yet, or what? Asking for a friend.
I named my dog "5 Miles" so I can tell people, "I walk 5 Miles every day"
To a cop, doing donuts in a parking lot has a whole different meaning.
My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?
I like to say my kid handles funds for a multi-billion dollar corporation. It`s easier than saying he is a cashier at McDonald`s
If I ever get to an age where the music from the ice cream truck doesn`t make me excited, pull the plug.
Kissing a sleeping woman in an animated Disney movie is romantic but do it on a bus and the judge doesn`t agree.