Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials
I have an awesome idea, but first I`ll need a zebra, bungee cords, jello, and a partner in crime. Any takers?
I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...
If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a pony; he stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni… That folks, is what drugs do to you.
I`m confused, oh wait, maybe I`m not.
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
I broke my finger today. But on the other hand I`m fine.
I overheard this guy bragging about his fancy hotel sweet. Ptttsht. They are nothing but cheap a$$ mints!
In my experience, the quickest way to escape Jury Duty? As they read out the charges, yell out, "Oh c`mon...even I`ve done THAT!"
I finally got some medication for my Attention Deficit Disorder. Now if I could just remember the name of it and where I left it at.
Every day is St. Patrick`s Day when you`re a drunk who likes to pinch people.
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.
You know you`re drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on