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Well kids, texting wasn`t always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You had to click that 7 button FOUR TIMES.
The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
Why don’t television shows say, “You will be delighted to know that this program contains strong sexual content?”
I would explain it to you again, but I am fresh out of puppets and crayons.
I was offering free mammograms in the company parking lot long before my employer was doing it ... just sayin
PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
It`s funny to watch all these people Bumping Up their own posts.
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, `13...13....13...13.` The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on. Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting. `14...14...14...14....
Updating my status in the car. Don’t worry, I’m in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the cops.
I`m doing the KFC Bucket Challenge!
People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
Does anyone have plans to stare at their phones somewhere exciting this weekend?
I know it’s rain but I hate when my coworker tell me how many inches they got last night.
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they`re born AND after they`re dead.