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Oh the pranks I would pull if I were invisible
Tis the season to throw your diet out the window.
Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating...
I could kill you with kindness, but shoving you into traffic just saves so much time.
Let`s be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.
the kids next door have challenged me to a water balloon fight. just updating my status while waiting on the water to boil.
So I`m giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
You know you had a good night when you have to Google map yourself in the morning to find out where the hell you are.
Oh, you have a brand new boyfriend? Please tell me more about how you think he`s `the one`.
they say money cant buy you happiness but id much rather be crying in a fararri...
Stand for what you believe in. Or sit on the couch and have a couple of donuts. It`s a free country really.
It`s just adorable how the Liquor Store cashier always wishes me a good week as if I won`t be back tomorrow.
Finally realizing that Hotel California is about Facebook. “…you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave…”
I have tonight off so if anyone’s free let’s go somewhere and look at our phones together.
Sometimes in life, all you really need is a lot of money.