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Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
Just checked my Farmville for the first time in 2 years... It`s now a Walmart.
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
In a parallel alternate universe, my cat and my dog have jobs and I chill at home.
the kids next door have challenged me to a water balloon fight. just updating my status while waiting on the water to boil.
The only thing worse than "the one that got away" is the one that won`t go away.
This earthquake was the first time that I`ve ever said, "it was 4.7, but felt bigger."
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
I can`t afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring
If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for a week
I don’t appreciate the 5 minute radio ads about how commercial-free the station is.
According to WebMD, people are Sick & Tired of me
Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
Nothing is truly lost until your mom can`t find it.
These bar stools are creaky!! [continues to fart on first date]