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I wish more people were fluent in silence.
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Pretending to tolerate other people is exhausting.
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
The sucking moment when you wave to someone & they haven`t noticed you & all are watching you & you feel why you waved in the first place & still you run after the person to stop & say HI
Ha, SUCKA`S! I just smuggled a bag of popcorn into the movie theater. Now I just need to borrow their microwave.
You’re really not as bad as people say. You’re much, much worse.
It`s so expensive being a woman. I know because I have financed a few.
According to Pinterest, I`m severely under-utilizing mason jars.
That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
My To-Do list for today is just a bunch of things I wanna eat.
My anger management class pisses me off
Hello? HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet but you sent me a printer.
If everyone would just be naughty next year, Santa would bring us all coal ... energy crisis solved!
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"