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If I don`t `like` your post it`s because I don`t care...
real eyes realize real lies
Funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers a day seems so easy
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
The best way to grill a chicken is to whack it with a rubber hose before you ask why it crossed the road..
Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can`t remember the lyrics.
Ladies, how do I work my man boobs and get out of a ticket? Quick, she`s coming.
lol I rotfl
Sleeping is so difficult when you have a world awake in your phone.
Black Friday, because after a day of thankfully stuffing your face, you deserve a deal on purchases you don’t need.
When Life Gives You Lemons Don`t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don`t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life`s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I`m the man who`s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I`m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
This "doing nothing" is hard work, how am I supposed to know when I`m done?
I thought we were both kidding when we made plans for me to watch your kid.
Sometimes I buy huge pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight.