Daily Silly Status

First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!

I like the part of the day when food happens.

Cranked the treadmill up to MAX for 15 minutes. When I finally took a break my roller skates were hot to the touch.

Ok honey don’t freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn’t do the dishes.

Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

Why do prostitutes charge per hour? I mean, what are we supposed to do for the other 57 minutes?

The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “what’s wrong” is inversely proportional to the severity of the sh!tstorm that’s coming.

That awkward moment for a guy when he`s at a urinal stall and another guy takes the stall right next to him when there`s plenty of other perfectly good stalls farther away..

I keep having this recurring nightmare that lasts 8 hours a day, Monday through Friday.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn`t really think your choice was excellent.

TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.

Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl

I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.

If I was antisocial I wouldn`t have just ordered a pizza over the phone.