Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Has anyone donated any money to ALS? All these ice bucket challenges I been seeing makes me think ... you all some cheap bastards
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
I am totally lacking the "zippity" part of my "do dah day."
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
How many Oreos is too many?...Is it 25?...I feel like it should be more than 25
The success of a marriage hinges entirely on the ability to know which of your wife’s clothing is okay to go into the dryer.
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
A homeless guy just asked me for money, and I almost gave it to him, but then I thought... he`s just going to use it for alcohol, and then I thought... That`s what I`m going to use it for.
I have a PHD (Pretty Huge d*ck)
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
If we`re in a situation where I am the "voice of reason," then we are in a very very bad situation.
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss