Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Wedding: The really expensive party taking place relatively 5-10 years before your divorce.
My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.
This week’s weather forecast: Sweaty underboobs.
I quit my job at the helium factory today. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
you know what sucks about being a "chubby guy"....when your girlfriend wants to play with YOUR boobs :)
Hey all you parents who recently named your kid Jax, We get it you`re unoriginal and watch SOA ... Hold on my daughter Grey`s Anatomy is crying.
I wonder if the psycho hitchhiker ever gets picked up by the psycho driver. Now there`s a movie I`d pay to see.
I like to walk around the house naked. Until the cops chase me back inside.
Alcohol: Because no good story starts with “So this one time I was eating a salad….”
Sex, drugs, and candy crush all have one thing in common. It’s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.
I`m sorry, all I hear is your perfume
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
Why is Charmin trying to get us comfortable with bears? HELLO THEY EAT PEOPLE