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Attention!! Today I am traveling back in time to right some wrongs in this world. You will know I succeeded if the Germans lost WW2 and that Thursday comes before Wednesday.
Instead of cars warning us of stupid things, like the door is open, it should tell us useful things, like there`s a cop hiding in the bushes
Sit-ups are my favorite form of exercise because I get to lay down every few seconds.
200 pictures of you at the bar and 2 pictures with your kids. You must be quite the mom.
Gray hair is the human body`s equivalent of low toner.
Dear New Years Resolutions People; You don`t have to wait for the New Year to get your sh*t together and become a better person.
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
Convincing my dog I really threw the ball is the closest I’ll ever get to being a magician.
My life coach just benched me.
At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?
If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
this isn`t the status you`re looking for
I’m moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.
Single Awareness Day ..... it`s a S.A.D. day