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No, I didn`t say I was a taxidermist. I said, I can stuff your beaver.
The most common crossfit injury is a black eye from talking about it too much.
I saw a poor old lady fall over today, at least I presume she was poor, she only had $ 1,20 in her purse
So,do people in England speaks American now that people in America speaks English?
I´m playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can´t get off the couch or I´ll die.
This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
I can sum up my life in three words: “just browsing, thanks.”
Women seem to want security. At least that`s what they yell whenever I approach them.
Most meteorologists are men. That`s why when they say we`re going to get 6-8" of snow, we only get 2 or 3.
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
Guys I can`t be leave I`m sharing this with you, but I saw my self on TV. After I turned it off.
The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behavior
Rap Music is like Scissors…It always loses to Rock.
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I fart in my sleep.