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Drunk me loves creating awkward encounters for sober me.
Couch pillows are really just fart silencers.
Sometimes I wrestle with my inner demons. Other times, we just hug.
I kind of like it getting dark so early because it gives me a great excuse to just stay inside and watch TV.
Momma left strict instructions to knock you out.
50% of people believe s@x is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are guys
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere complement on their mustache...and then she won`t talk to you anymore.
My problem? Smart phones are too smart.
The most effective way to torture young people is to make them watch old people use a computer.
It`s hard to be a good person when kids fit so perfectly into trash cans.
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
My parents never asked me to run away from home, but there were many unexplained one way tickets.
Make librarians cry by calling it a Book Museum while taking pictures with your iPad.