Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, You`re actually a few million years late. That star is dead, just like your dreams.
Facebook: an alternative to drunk dialing.
I prefer to call it a “Ta-Da” list. Cause it’d be amazing if I actually accomplished anything on it.
Tomorrow is Valentines day, a holiday that comes along once a year to remind you that if you don`t have a special someone...I guess your alone.
The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I`m home alone and my power goes out.
If your single and you know it…Pet your cat!
My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account.
This jar of peanut butter says "may contain nuts" on it. Remember when survival of the fittest was a thing? Good times.
Cigarettes have warning labels because they are dangerous and addictive yet vaginas are allowed to just roam around freely.
I’m pretty good at keeping my sh!t together. Until there’s a bee around.
In alcohol`s defence, I`ve done some pretty dumb sh*t while completely sober too.
I`m the perfect man if you don`t factor in looks, depth of character, emotional availability, intelligence or financial well being.
Do the right thing today: Go to someone`s profile, scroll down 4 months, and like something.
If couples who are in love are called `love birds.` Then couples who always argue should be called `angry birds.`
Tonight I’m trying to get to that happy place right between don’t know my own name and head in the toilet.