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There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are suppose to be doing something else.
The closer you are to the toilet, the harder it is to hold it in.
Still waiting for the day I can illegally download groceries
Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.
Counting to ten when someone pisses you off works much better if you`re counting punches.
This Pokemon Go crap is getting ridiculous. I just saw a fight breakout between the pokebloods and the pokecrips.
People go to the bar hoping for two things ... to get hammered or to get nailed.
If your drug dealer is always on time he is a cop …
I may hate waiting. But I love procastinating.
My mother always used to think that my friends were bad influences. ..I wonder if she`s figured out yet that I was the one coming up with all the ideas? ;)
I wonder if pet products are tested on humans?
I`m one of the nicest a$$holes you could ever hope to meet.
Pay phones should be replaced with chargers for cell phones.
They should make a "How It`s Made" episode on how "How It`s Made" is made.
How can you tell if someone went to the gym? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.