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New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
There are no bad pictures. That`s just how your face looks sometimes.
When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
I just noticed me saying "LOL" everytime I`m laughing = facebook addict...lmao :)
Whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks..I`m in public.
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn`t at work anymore.
When I was a kid…no wait, I still do that.
Ever wonder if the McDonalds logo is the letter "m" or just an image of your butt cheeks it will cause?
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
I`m an optimist. To me, the glass is always half alcohol.
I wish they made bar-stools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
This is 2016. How come I can`t email someone a fart when I feel like it?
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"