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Why I don’t like people: 1% logical reasons. 99% just because.
is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
Son: "Dad, can you write in the dark?" Dad: "Uh, I think so, why?" Son: "I need you to sign my report card."
"Oh wow, it`s a fruit cake! I`m going to eat some of it right now" ...said no one ever.
The worst thing about rich people is I`m not one of them.
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
Legally, it`s questionable .. Morally, it`s disgusting .. Personally, I love it. ;)
When I die, bury me with a pack of smokes, no light. Where I`m going, there will have plenty of free fires to light from.
If you can’t love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot.
Now working on my 2nd million. I gave up on the first.
I hate when people say, "I gotta get my body right for the summer." ...like, wtf are you going to do about your face???
Dear vegetarians, thanks for saving all the good food for us.
If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?
I just want to be rich enough to pay people to not talk to me.