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In my most recent survey,,, four out of five women talked crap about the fifth one whenever she was out of earshot.
I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.
If I treated others how I wanted to be treated, I`d be doing a ton of spontaneous sexual favors for random strangers.
The sperm bank is overpriced to store my stuff so if you come over, don`t use the cloudy ice cubes from the tray labelled "Future Champions"
People who say 45 minutes past the hour must be the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 month olds
The first rule of Women`s fight club is don`t tell anyone what you`re mad about or why you`re fighting.
Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.
The way I see it, every Friday is Good Friday.
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
1st woman on the Moon.. Houston we have a problem What? Never mind What`s the problem? Nothing Please tell us? You know what the problem is.
just bought 400 copies of Hoarders: Season 1. Not sure what to do with them.
If it lasts 4 hours I`m not only callin a Dr, I`m callin everybody!!
A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.
I`m going to spend Valentine`s day with my ex.... Box 360
Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.