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With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
Someone asked me why I use the "F" bomb so much. What the F*ck is an "F" bomb?
Todays hot tip: Boomerangs and Attention Deficit Disorder don`t mix.
Bumper stickers are helpful for recognizing members of society you do not want to associate with.
I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said ‘Copy’ the other ‘Paste’. That made my day.
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
I love when bill collectors ask if you can borrow the money...uh I did that before and I think we both know how that turned out.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face...
I`m no different than any other bachelor. I put my pants on one leg at a time and clean the house once every new girlfriend.
Watch out! It’s quite possible some of my best mistakes haven’t been made yet.
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know…like Thursday.
I`ll bet whoever said "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" had just farted
Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
"Please take a seat" was a bad introduction for a Kleptomaniacs` Anonymous meeting.
I don`t have a drinking problem........I just celebrate everything!!! Like the fact that I have pants on, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.