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scream outloud and really fast "I won a math debate"
Whenever a little kid asks me to push him on the swing I remind him there are children his age in China making iPhones.
I`ll never become mature enough to not laugh out loud when the person in the stall next to me farts so loud it sounds like a volcano just erupted.
Anything is possible with the right attitude and a sledgehammer
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad.
The best way to a woman`s heart is by saying three words - You lost weight.
I DON`T NEED ANYONE OR ANYTHING!!! (Except for Louie...the name I`ve given this meatball sub.)
so apparently there is no such thing as a St Patrick`s Santa and I`m not sure whose lap I just sat on at the mall.
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn`t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
It`s frustrating to know, I`ll never experience the exhilaration of getting to meet me.
Car commercials make driving around in empty parking structures look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.
When I was a kid, I thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it really is.
If you are not sweating while doing it...then you are doing it wrong.
Letting my dad play Angry Birds on my iPad is like showing a caveman fire.
My problem is, I`m about 30% stud, and 70% muffin.