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When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
When the hostess at the restaurant says "table for 2?" I always like to look surprised and whisper "you can see him too?"
For those of you wondering what it`s like to be married, I`m on day 3 of an argument I didn`t know I was having.
FYI: Real hippos at the zoo don’t eat marbles. They should post a sign or something.
Here`s to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
I`m working out my budget and, provided I don`t live past Tuesday, I can retire relatively comfortably!!!
The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
If you can’t be a good example, then you’l just have to serve as a horrible warning
The coolest tourist attraction in the world is the Sistine Chapel, because it`s full of ceiling fans.
The brain is the most outstanding organ, it works for 24 hours 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.
After watching the "Schticky" ad, I am convinced now there are 8 wonders of the world.
I`m writing this status very slowly, cause I know you guys can`t read very fast.