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I never know the proper etiquette with the pizza delivery guy. Do I kiss him before or after paying him?
If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
I`ve actually have come to the conclusion that some of today`s youth may actually believe "laughing out loud" is actually spelled "lol"
Life isn`t a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, chances are you are going to walk home barefoot.
Hiding from people at parties is my cardio.
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
Searching Netflix is almost more of an activity than watching a movie on Netflix.
Somewhere in America, a woman has a baby every 47 minutes. We`ve got to find this woman and stop her!
“Let’s hang out sometime.” - liars
Your so lazy you should have a Life Alert bracelet that says I`m Just Napping.
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
Today I am thankful for my family....and this 5th of vodka that helps me deal with them.
Irony. The opposite of wrinkly.
A 4-way stop is an IQ test you take in public.
Friending someone on Facebook and complaining about what they post is like phoning someone to tell them you don’t want to talk to them.