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Gonna start a new job tomorow at a archaelogical site, I know I`m gonna dig it.
I`m not fat, God gave me built in airbags because I`m so precious.
When you consider names for your baby, it`s important to try out the middle name in an angry voice.
I`m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I`ll run them under cold water for half a second
I remember 2011 like it was yesterday. ;)
I always thought a chickpea was just when girls go to the bathroom in groups.
For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.
It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tihs wulod not be psibsole if yuor sutipd. I hpoe for yuor skae you wree albe to raed tihs or taht maens yuor an idoit or barin dmagaed.
How am I supposed to get any work done with all this work I have to do?
Why would you live in a place where the air hurts your face?
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
At the urinal, please keep your eyes forward and your conversations limited to weather, sports or beer.
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!
Went by the bank today and the female teller was flirting with me which was weird considering she saw my account balance.
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole