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Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
If you think you hate me now, wait till I start answering your rhetorical questions.
It`s crazy that your brain can calculate where to put your hand to catch a 98 mph fastball... But won`t keep your mouth shut when a woman is angry
Just farted in 3 different languages! Thanks, Rosetta Stone!
I think the only way I`ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I`m in prison.
Facebook has suggested that I POKE you.
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.
If all the worlds a stage and the men and women merely players, how come Justin Bieber gets all the airtime?
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
I`ve just seen an advert in my local newspaper. ACCOUNTANT NEEDED! $35,000 - $40,000 So I called them up and said, "The answer is -$5,000."
A real man should never wave faster than he says the word “hey”
Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn’t have borrowed all that money.
Things that don`t kill bees: 1. Furniture polish 2. Febreeze 3. Butter 4. Screaming
I wish life had a “rewind-the-weekend” button.
I put the whiskey in another room ... Exercise regimen established.