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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
Bored? Update your Facebook to “in a relationship” with someone you’ve never met just to see if they’ll confirm.
Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin.
What`s it called when it`s 9:20am and you can`t wait for dinner? Oh, it`s called fat. Nevermind.
I just lifted a couch to retrieve a Skittle that fell underneath it, so I get you Moms that lift cars to rescue children, I get you.
It saddens me to say that after tasting this homemade whiskey/nacho cheese ice cream, I’ve found not all dreams are meant to be followed.
I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors, and photographs.
I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th, because I know how to reduce fractions unlik the rest of you morons.
I did not trip...the floor looked like it needed a hug.
I don`t think boredom gets enough blame for the trouble it causes.
If you start smacking people with your wife`s purse she won`t ask you to hold it for her anymore
Describe yourself in 3 words". "Not good at following instructions"
At this point I`m just waiting for summer to be cancelled completely.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?