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What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
If you see me talking to myself don`t be alarmed. I`m getting expert advice.
I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))
If anyone could read my mind I`m pretty sure they`d be traumatized for life.
Thought for the day: Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that is where sh!tty ideas come from!
At least clean up the bathroom before taking your profile picture.
Nothing gets me motivated for 10-15 seconds like a good inspirational quote.
If someone says "I`m a sub-par golfer" does that mean they`re good at golf, or bad?
Sometimes bigger is just heavier
If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to.
Uses for the plastic ruler..... 5% to draw stright lines 95 % to hit people.
If it`s alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?
The last breasts I touched belonged to a dead chicken.
If you read my entire Facebook timeline from the beginning, you can witness my descent into madness
When I think of all the money I`ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!