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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and ten million dollars.
*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets?
The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
I sleep better when I`m naked why can`t my boss understand this?!
I like candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach and hardcore pornography.
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
llllllloooollllll...........................i saw a donkey on a bike
My internet went down. By which I mean my neighbors changed their password.
I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.
I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I`m living in their attic...
I`ve been on a diet for 2 weeks and all I`ve lost is 14 days.
"I knew that..." -Me, after every Jeopardy question.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody`s there to appreciate it.
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.