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Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis, except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself.
People are always gonna talk about you, so you might as well give them something good to say.
There`s no rehab for stupid! ;P
When everything is coming your way ... You`re in the wrong lane.
My head hurts, I think my horns are coming in...
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
Haters can hate all they want... they don`t affect my money.
Darn right Iām good in bed. ...I can sleep for days.
Bacon has protein. Spinach has protein. Bacon is a vegetable.
I would be a terrible stalker because A) I`m not motivated enough B) You would always hear the rattle of peanut m&ms behind you.
I paid My 11 year old $10 to do the dishes, then on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.
I can`t figure out why everyone calls me a smart-ass. Is it because I`m smart and have a great ass?