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If you’re going to walk a mile in my shoes… Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
With the right person, you can talk about absolutely nothing for hours & feel like you spoke about everything.
There are so many scams on the Internet now these days, but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.
Lightning bugs use their blinkers more than most drivers.
When I see people drinking at 11 am on a Friday I`m like, where do you work and are they hiring?
No one is ever bored enough to start studying.
You think your life is bad? I’ve got that “Five dollar foot long” song stuck in my head
Putting a light in the refrigerator is God`s way of telling us that it`s okay to eat before going to bed.
All I`m saying is if I`m not allowed to give a monkey a gun at the zoo they should have a sign.
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Somewhere out there is a guy named Joe whose greatest achievement is that he was a really sloppy eater.
I`m so lonely I drive around town with a coffee cup glued to the roof of my car just so people will wave at me.
Found a note on my door today that said ”You’re Awesome!” ... Yes, I wrote it yesturday. But still, the truth is the truth.
Just because nobody complains doesn`t mean all parachutes are perfect.
This getting older thing really sucks. These days my eyes are so bad I have to buy the Large Print edition of Alphabet Soup.