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Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want impress us, please shave a gorilla.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance! ..By driving away and not leaving a note.
I`m so broke, if somebody tried to rob me right now, they would just be practicing.
I am totally lacking the "zippity" part of my "do dah day."
I think I`m approaching my "best if used by" date
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for the people who used to beat up the people who played Dungeons and Dragons.
1, 2 Freddie´s coming for u 3, 4 better lock the door 5, 6 grab your crucifix 7, 8 gotta say up late 9, 10 never sleep again
With so many things coming back in style, I can`t wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.
Think about how much more stressful life’s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
Watch out! It’s quite possible some of my best mistakes haven’t been made yet.
Whoever said “two wrongs don’t make a right” has obviously never experienced McDonalds breakfast after a night of binge drinking.
I don`t get why girls get so offended by sexist jokes..I think they are just ovary-acting. Seriously..
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.