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Just drank a `coffee to go` while sitting. Screw the system!
The worst part about calling in for a sick day is the pressure of knowing you only have one shot to do the “I’m sick” voice.
Maybe the reason Uncle Phil hated Will was because the first thing Will gave him was a $3700 cab ride bill from Philly to Bel-Air.
You might be addicted to Facebook if you read my post`s every day...
I’d like to hang out, but that would get in the way of me being home and doing absolutely nothing.
When people put pics of their vacation on FB I write: I saw fire trucks outside your house but I`m sure you already know, have a great time!
It’s 2015, why cant you unselect a floor in an elevator yet?
Rob Stalker for congressman........Stalker....a name you can trust.
We have cars that park themselves but I still gotta wave my hand 15 times before a paper towel comes out the dispenser
I think my other three stove burners are becoming jealous of front-right.
Thanks to the presence of fools, wise people stand out.
I`m going to stop off at the fabric store before my next status to get some new material!
What doesn`t kill you, will hopefully try again
I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said "No!". For one thing, we don`t have any kids...
I´m up way too early for someone who wasn´t planning on seizing the day.