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Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
I often worry that mankind is going to start World War III soley because we enjoy trilogies.
Snakes are terrifying because they can`t trip and fall over sh!t. No creature should possess such power.
I love you all so much right now because, well, alcohol.
Based on how many times I`ve dropped my phone, I`m gonna hold off on the whole baby thing.
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
I remember my single days like it was 11 years, 1 month, and 12 days ago.
So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn´t even have to happen at all.
A house is not a home until you can find all light switches in the dark.
I’m a pervert, but in a romantic way.
Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
I bought powdered water but I don`t know what to add to it.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
When I was a kid...no wait, I still do that.