Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you`re out running in jeans, I`m gonna go ahead and assume you just participated in a felony.
So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
One day, I will solve my problems with maturity. Today, however, it will be with alcohol.
This bulk box of peanuts I got from Costco tastes like styrofoam.
is admitting to pushing Humpty Dumpty, he had it coming!!
When I say ‘it’s a long story’, it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
I`m great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
Rescue helicopters should have white lights at the end of their blade so when they spin it looks a halo.
I just found out that his full name is actually, Vehicle Identification Number Diesel.
Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, "what kinda robot does that one turn into?"
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don’t f*cking deserve string cheese.
You guys make me wanna be a better alcoholic!
I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.
Starbucks isn`t really that expensive compared to how much Victoria`s Secret charges per cup.