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I smile when I`m having dirty thoughts :)
That awkward moment when there`s not a single awkward moment
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
As often as I lose lighters and sunglasses, it`s a good thing I never had kids. Or did I?
I`ll call it a "smart phone" the day I yell, "Where`s my freaking phone?!" and it answers, "I`m here! Under your jacket!"
Note to self: don’t set your password reminder as “you should know this”
Who let the owls out?? Don`t sing the chorus you`ll make it worse.
My phone just changed, `calendar` to `cake radar` and now I really wish I had that.
When I`m not sleepy, I listen to some Chris Brown. That knocks me out right away.
Life`s too short for Salad..............
Happy St. Patrick`s Day! I was going to drink anyway!
Being an adult is a lot like going to the vet. We`re all excited for the ride until we realize what it`s like where we`re going.
I’m not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.
My status would be a lot funnier if you could see my back-up dancers.
My favorite in-laws are the ones that don`t exist.