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Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I`m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner...
I don`t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
I walked into the bar sober with $42 & walked out drunk with $42. But you`re right fellas, men are smarter than women.
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as "that weird thing I did for a while."
exactly how long is a cotton picking minute.
As I slide down this bannister we call life, you, and you alone, are the splinter in my ass
Ok, I admit. Everything that`s wrong in your life is your fault.
I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
I will stop loving you, when Spongebob gets his driving license.
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
I`m super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy but I`m also wearing a cape.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
What`s the opposite of wanting to hear about you doing crossfit? I`m that.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a girl who`s free for the weekend.