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Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you`re looking for a business manager.
Knowing sign language is a handy skill when it comes to identifying schizophrenics at famous people`s funerals.
If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
"I wish people would start doing ice bucket challenges again" - said no one ever!
I`m not lazy. I`m just highly motivated to not do anything.
I only call them yoga pants because Netflix and eat leftovers pants was too long.
I think, therefore i`m single.
LIKE if you talk to yourself and laugh because you’re just that hilarious.
Ever been in the middle of writing a great post and think, did I just run someone over?
I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is “love,” but it’s actually “floor”
Didn`t leave home today. It was too peopley out there.
I don`t even think it`s possible for a bear to cook porridge.
Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old.
*sigh* the cop at the front door is never a stripper when you need it to be
Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.