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liquor stores should sell Shamwows.. I bet they would conquer any challenge alcohol can conjure up. spills.. puke.. all kinds of messes.
Just because it`s a bad idea, doesn`t mean it`s not going to be a good time.
Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
I never make stupid mistakes ... only very clever ones
I`m not insulting you, I`m describing you.
Apparently "Fat Tuesday" doesn´t constitue telling fatties they´re fatties.
I`m convinced some people got married just so they could gripe about being married...
Why do people ask “What the hell were you thinking?” Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
The Patriots defensive coverage was almost as bad as the coverage by Obamacare.
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.
I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty.
I always wear a wedding ring when I go grocery shopping, so everyone thinks my cart full of groceries are for a family of 4 instead of just me
Beer never asks me if I think another beer is prettier than it.
I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn`t in a band.
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.