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Me putting up with you is your Christmas present.
We live in a world in where it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract
Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too
By the time I realized my parents were right, I had kids that didn`t believe me.
I don`t really work, I just kinda stand around and be awesome.
Right before I die, my last words will be, "I left a million dollars in the........
You know what’s more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.
Now that "twerk" has been added to the dictionary, I can`t wait for a Spelling Bee judge to be asked to use it in a sentence.
With all the potato chip flavors available now, I see no point in buying actual food...
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a big sign of disrespect.
If you have a mirror handy, kindly gaze into it and you will find your problem
Happy Halloween… may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong!
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
I don`t like people who hate certain group of people. But I get along very well with people who hate everybody equally.