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During the summer months, be sure to dress for the body you have. Not the body you want.
You know it`s been a good day when you finally take your pajamas off - and put some new ones on.
A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
Lady at my gym is pedaling a stationary bike while eating chips right out of the bag. I`m hiring her as my personal trainer.
Dang girl,, Are you a Snickers bar? Because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly long lasting,, hold up,,,, are those nuts?
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with someone.
Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
Wife: give me money I want to buy a bra. Husband: you`ve got nothing to put in them. Wife: you wear shorts
I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
Beach Rule #17: Never ask anyone under the age of 35 if they`ve seen your shuttlecock
I love myself everyday. Sometimes, twice a day.
"I want to be cuddled, but I want to be alone. Being crazy is hard." - WOMEN
Sometimes, I`m offended at how easily offended some people get.