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Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance…the five stages of me hitting the snooze button in the morning
I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
One day, people are gonna write songs about the nap I`m about to take.
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don`t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
This company doesn`t know how much of an asset I am.. Or an ass-sit. They really should pay more attention.
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
I walked briskly with scissors today. I’m pretty wild.
Don`t be sad if you didn`t get a Valentine`s Day gift, lt`s not the end of the world. That`s still ten months away.
REPOSTED~WARNING~PLEASE READ! If someone comes to your door and asks you to remove your clothes,and dance with your arms in the air...~DO NOT DO THIS....~It is a SCAM~...They just want to see you naked....I wish I had known this yesterday....I feel so stupid now
One man’s potato is another man’s vodka.
When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.