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Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
Okay, let’s get this straight. There’s no way everone here has the best boyfriend in the world.
I don`t always drink beer. But when I do, I always lie about not always drinking beer.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can’t conjugate verbs.
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office – I will track you down. You have my Word.
I didn`t see anyone important today so I`m going to wear the same clothes tomorrow.
Treasure the years with your children while they are still distracted by bubbles.
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
I`m going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837
There are 15 year olds skating in the Olympics and I can’t even walk down my driveway in winter.
Some days are better than others. And those days always involve alcohol.
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
They say 1 minute of kissing burns 26 calories. No wonder sluts are so damn skinny.
For a one-way mission to Mars, we should send a blogger. Not so they can blog about the experience, but so there`d be one less blogger.