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Is there anyone called Phillip here? I found your screwdriver.
Not to cause a panic but i`m starting to think we`re running out of things to stuff inside pizza crust.
I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
Now that football season is here, if anyone`s favorite team loses, they can just blame it on Trump.
Oh look, it`s raining outside. I think I`ll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don`t have a window of their own.
only fights if pillows are present.
I`m an optimist. I didn`t lose a sock in the dryer. I found an extra one!
About 110,000 people contract chlamydia each month, more than signed up for Obamacare. Obamacare is less popular than chlamydia.
Sorry, I can`t hangout. My uncle`s cousin`s sister in law`s best friend`s insurance agent`s roommate`s pet goldfish drowned. It was tragic.
Is it bad that "WINE" is always on my grocery list? At the top? In all caps?
This weekends forecast shows a 0% chance of cooking or cleaning, with a good chance of laying around in my pajamas.
I didn’t give you the finger...you earned it.
Dyslexics are teople poo.. :|
Insanity workout? The fact I am even considering putting down my phone and getting off the couch is crazy enough, thanks.
I`m feeling 22.. Pounds overweight.