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Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome.
My wife is so annoying. "Do you think I`m sexy? Am I hot? How gorgeous am I? Do I have a nice ass?" I just want her to answer me.
Tis the season to throw your diet out the window.
You have a point. It`s just not very sharp
People assume when I yawn that I’ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low…Well, sure, it’s hard to steal a car when the owner’s living in it…
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot. I didn`t even know I had a wife.
*during sex,I suddenly stop moving* Her: What are you doing? Me: SHHHHH It`s ok...I saw this on Pornhub, It`s called Buffering!
Is your family tree a cactus? Because everyone on it is a prick.
am a bomb technician...anytime you see me running. Try keep it up
Sometimes I feel happy, but then the Oreos run out.
What am I doing with the rest of my life? I don`t even know what I`m doing with the rest of this post...