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When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you´re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for.
I’ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
Is going to bed! Hopefully the Cleaning Fairies will come and clean my house tonight! Wishful Dreaming i guess!
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
My phone battery lasts longer than relationships these days
I don`t know why I don`t buy more piñatas. Like right now I would love to beat the shit out of something and then eat a bunch of candy.
My bed is way more comfortable in the mornings than during the night.
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
Inviting a friend to play Candy Crush Saga is like hosting an intervention and providing the crack.
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
Life Tip: Hang out with people who make you forget to look at your phone.
Taught a man how to buy fish ... So much easier.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.
Sometimes in life, all you really need is a lot of money.
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.