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What´s the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.
There is always something to be thankful for. If you can’t pay your bills, you can be thankful you are not one of your creditors.
I can walk up to any dog, rub its belly and make a friend ... That trick rarely works on people.
Woke up with my credit card lying on my keyboard. I can`t wait to see what drunk me bought sober me.
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
Some of us live thousands of miles away from the majority of our relatives and can`t be with them for the holidays. But don`t be jealous.
I`m so bitchy right now ... I won`t even talk to myself!!
Why isn`t cat food made from birds, mice and squirrels??
What is depression? Depression is when you buy a new hula-hoop and it fits you.
“I wonder how much weight I’ve lost.” -Me, after eating one healthy meal.
Everyone please stop doing crimes because sirens are too noisy.
Some people are good listeners. Mostly, though, they`re just nodding and thinking about bacon.
Let this be known as my Living Will. I do not wish to be cremated. If the Zombie Apocalypse happens I would like to be a part of it.
Every so often you come across a person who always smiles no matter what, that person is the reason why random bitch slaps should be a thing
What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?