Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I thought Row vs. Wade was Washington`s decision when he reached the Delaware.
I`m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You`re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what`s going on here.
TEIAM - problem solved
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in?
The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock at 6am is the fact that it’s my cellphone.
Sometimes, just to annoy my Therapist, I’ll ask him; “so how does my lack of progress make you feel?”
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
A few bad decisions really liven up a boring day.
Cars should come with two horns: one that’s like “Hey guys!” & another that’s like “I will end you!”
Go ahead, judge me. Wait, let me get my bat first. Alright, I`m ready now.
cuss words = sentence enhancers
When women say “It’s not what’s on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts”, we all know they are talking about a Man’s wallets.
Save some time and just put your Taco Bell directly in the toilet.
Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all the other prescription drugs.
You can tell a lot about a woman by how she slices brownies. For example: if she throws the knife at you, you should pick up some Midol.