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I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
I order all my food with extra gluten.
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
I`m not "rich" ... But, actually, it depends on how you define wealth. If you`re talking about money, relationships, or happiness, then no still
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
This police sketch artist has no idea that he`s about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.
It`s just adorable how the Liquor Store cashier always wishes me a good week as if I won`t be back tomorrow.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness".
Turns out having boobs only gets you stuff if you don`t have a penis as well.
All I`m saying is there`s a reason all the best love songs have the word crazy in them.
Never go on a blind date with a friend! She was so big when i took her home she went to my backyard and started grazing.
You ever notice “q”, “p”, “b” and “d” is the same letter but with a different angle.