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Good news: I can still do a full split! Bad news: It wasn`t on purpose!
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it’s only Thursday.
Thanks to the State Farm commercial now I want a Falcon.
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. I’m gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
* feels winds of change * realizes it`s just a hole in my shorts
Whoa. I just did something & almost forgot to document it on facebook. That was a close one.
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
If you don`t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor.
I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.
Efficiency: skip your morning, wake up in the afternoon.
If it`s any consolation, your Doppelganger is probably having a really awesome day.
Kim and Kanye have been married WAY longer then I expected.
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
Last night, I fell asleep with one of those new e-cigarettes in my mouth. I woke up half an hour later & my whole apartment was on the internet.