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A good office manager never let`s you run out of ink, paper or vodka
Has anyone EVER checked to see how the room or wall behind them looks before taking and posting 50 selfies?!
Thanks coffee for tricking us into believing that it`s a good morning for a few minutes.
My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
If I have to stir it, it’s homemade.
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It`s not like a murderer will come in thinking "I`m gonna ki..- ahh damn! He`s under a blanket
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
I don`t mean to brag, but my posts are enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide...
I wonder how many people read my statuses and say `I hope he`s getting professional help`?
It`s not karma, you`re just an idiot.
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?
I just googled Magnum condoms and I swear I could hear Siri laughing.
I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.
I’m dedicating this status update to all the status-less people out there. Stay strong.