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You look over-medicated. What`s your doctor`s name?
I figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water. It`s H2OMG
Trying to learn Mandarin Chinese but the amount of money I`m spending on fortune cookies is getting ridiculous.
I`m on a pepperoni pizza cleanse.
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
I`ve been waiting all winter to start complaining about the summer heat.
When I was six, my dad threw me into the pool thinking I would instantly learn to swim. I probably would if it had water in it.
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.
I guess “Trying to be” isn’t really the answer the doctor was looking for when he asked if I was sexually active.
When I go through an automated car wash I close my eyes, because it`s easier to pretend I`m in a car that way.
If you get angry, just relax, take a deep breath and count to ten, unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of beer named Responsibly.
There`s nothing more terrifying than accidentally making eye contact with a mall kiosk worker.
facebook is the only book we read everyday.
Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.