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Some people might as well post ‘Wants Attention’ as their Facebook status.
Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous ... You`re practically begging for typos.
Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back door open accidentally, when I needed a few things and didn`t want to go to the store...
Shout out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren`t rich, thanks for keeping hope alive.
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
Some mornings I feel like leaving my coffee until its cold enough that I can just pour it directly into my eyes.
Pizza: 73% delicious, 27% also delicious.
Do you think that the guy that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
I hope when the machines take over the world they start by fixing my cable.
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
Why do they call a status a status if it already happened? I mean, shouldnt it be called History?
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
To hell with the "dislike" button! i think we need a "who cares" button, a "WTF" button and a "STFU!" button. just saying.... Oh and a "lol" button because i just get tired of writing it! lol!
My ex was in a swimming competition with 19 other women today. They were doing the breaststroke. Unfortunately, she came in last place. She didn`t know she could have used her arms!
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.