Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Maybe teenagers just aren`t strong enough yet to remove the sticker from their hat
Meditation never worked for me, so I tried something even better..."Beditation"! You lay down close your eyes and you wake up an hour and a half later!
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
I`ll be right with you, I`m busy being inappropriate on the internet.
How many facebook friends do you have that if they posted "I`m depressed and on the edge", your first thought would be to poke them?
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
Why aren`t they called A$$teroids instead of hemorrhoids???
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
Interviewer: Have any weaknesses? Me: Bullets I: No, I mean… M: Knives I: I don’t think y… M: probably evil dragons I: … M: Focusing.
My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
Since they`re loud and heavily scented already, Abercrombie & Fitch stores really are the ideal spot to go fart.
I can make your gf scream louder than you can. - Spider
My ex was in a swimming competition with 19 other women today. They were doing the breaststroke. Unfortunately, she came in last place. She didn`t know she could have used her arms!
Some life lessons are so profound; you only need to do them one time. Putting Icy Hot on my balls, for example …