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pudding... thats always a funny word
My favorite iOS7 feature is how it distracts me from the fact that I`m wasting my life poking a glass screen.
Did I ever tell you about my old girlfriend? The one with the "Lazy Eye"? I had to break up with her, she was seeing somebody on the side..........................
I have lost my mind and I am making no effort to look for it.
I keep seeing studies finding fecal matter on things. Anyone considered that perhaps it`s the scientists that aren`t washing their hands?
The computers were down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards to play solitaire.
My wife told me: "Sex is better on vacation." That wasn`t a very nice postcard to receive.
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
Had another daydream where I`m doing the mexican hat dance and CIA guys watching me from satellites are dancing along in their control room
"You should`ve come with us!" well, inviting me would`ve helped..
Crossfit is the healthiest way to get rid of your friends.
RIP to my hair dryer. It was the only thing to blow me for the last 10 years and never complain.
It takes me like three days to wake up in the morning.
I used to think I was a man of vision. Now i`m pretty sure they`re hallucinations.
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.