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I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.
Im thinking about writing a book about my life, I just have to wait for the statue of limitations to expire.
Have we even tried giving Mother Nature a Snickers?
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
So when is this `old enough to know better` suppose to kick in ?
1,000 Ways To Die is so unrealistic. There`s no episode where a man asks a woman `what`s wrong?`
I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.
I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.
My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 spacecraft computer. They went to the moon. I text a lot.
drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
Everyone hates performance enhancing drugs. Yet, everyone loves Captain America.
Grammar. The difference between feeling your nuts, and feeling you`re nuts.
Please don`t come to my garage sale if you`ve ever let me borrow something.