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Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone`s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
No one sees you when you`re kind, no one sees you when you do a nice thing, but all will see on you when you fart.
?-- that guy is cute ?
I`m not feeling myself today ... would you do it for me?
If only life was as easy as getting fat.
Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
Don`t blame me. You`re the one following a 41 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.
I`ve been told that I can be condescending... that means that I tend to talk down to people.
Joggers always give each other a little nod when they pass, just like fat guys in a buffet line.
"Polar bears can`t jump." - Black bears
Who needs the weather network when you have Facebook.
If animals spoke our language we`d be in their debt because they`d have some seriously incriminating dirt on all of us.
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
I Don`t Care If you Don`t Like Me .. Iam Not A Facebook Status :D