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When you’re old, my kids will be in charge. I’m so, so sorry.
I don`t know if I have a stalker, but if I do could you drop off some beer? Thanks
The iPhone 6 looks pretty cool, but it still lets people leave voicemails, so they apparently haven`t worked out all the bugs yet.
That`s a lot of selfies for someone that claims to be emotionally stable
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas...
It`s ok, ghosts, no-one believes in me either.
For those of you who know nothing about pleasing a woman... the G spot is located at the end of the word "shopping".....js
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren´t even trying.
If it makes you feel better, don’t call it “Premature Ejaculation.” Call it “Speed Dating”
I like when job applications have a “Some College” option so they know I’m an aimless loser.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired.
At this point I`m just waiting for summer to be cancelled completely.